Karaoke, Only Not
by Professor Authordude
Summary: Not a karaoke contest. The characters express their feelings by singing at random times in the series. Almost everyone sings, some funny, some sad, some Harraoke. Songs range from old to modern, Disney to alternative. Updates sporadic at best.
1. Here's To The Night by Remus

Disclaimer- Everyone and their brother has done this, so I cannot claim the plot. JK owns the characters and situations. All I own is the spoofitization of the songs.

A/N- I have a million of these, but EEK cannot find the folder they are in. Good thing I keep making up more. Basically, the Harry Potter gang use songs to express their feelings all throughout the series.

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Here's To The Night -- Eve 6

by Remus

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Remus opened the door of his house to see Albus Dumbledore standing there looking very grave. "Remus, I'm afraid I have some bad news." he took a deep breath, then said it. "Lily and James are dead. Sirius sold them to Voldemort."

The Marauder staggered back unsteadily, before sinking into a chair. "W-Why?"

"It is my belief that he was the spy for this past year. But that's not all, Remus. Peter went after him, and cornered him, crying. Went to curse him, and Sirius--" the Headmaster clenched his jaw briefly; it was very difficult to stand there and tell a man that his friends had been killed at the hands of another. "Sirius killed him. All they found," he said gently, "was his finger."

After the Headmaster left, Remus lifted his hollow face and said, "For you, Sirius," before he started to sing.

"So denied

So you lied

Always the now or never kind

Within a day, now

I'll be alone, for good this time

Never willing to be had

You weren't cool with just that night

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

--

Here's to the nights we felt alive

Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry

Here's to good-bye

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

--

Put your name

On the line

Along with place and time

Want you to stay

Not to go

Want to ditch the logical

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

--

Here's to the nights we felt alive

Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry

Here's to good-bye

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

--

All my time is frozen motion

Can't you stay an hour or two or more

Don't let me let you go

Don't let me let you go

--

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive

Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry

Here's to good-bye

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Too soon

--

Here's to the nights we felt alive

Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry

Here's to good-bye

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon."

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In case it was unclear, most of the verses were about how Remus does not want to believe Sirius killed them, he wants to be proven wrong, wants Sirius to be innocent (good thing he got his wish!) As for the chorus, "the nights we felt alive" were the full moons at Hogwarts, and the tears were for when the Marauders were broken.

I hope you enjoyed it, I love that song. I will put more of these up periodically as I write and type them. Maybe EEK will even find the folder the ones I already wrote are in!


	2. Harraoke: Don't Cry For Us

Disclaimer- I forgot to mention last time that I do not own the songs. I put the artist next to the song title.

A/N- Welcome to Harraoke, which is just the chapters where Harry sings. This is another song I love. By the way, there is no rhyme or reason to this. The time period changes every chapter, but no worries, I will always make it clear.

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Don't Cry For Us -- Justincase

by Harry with a little help from Cedric

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As Harry headed out to the Quidditch Pitch for the Third Task, he thought of his godfather. He knew Sirius would be worried sick. "Don't worry, Sirius," he said, looking at the sky, then sang.

"It's hard to know just what to do in times like these

It's hard to know just what to say

And I'm just sitting here just telling myself

Why it's good to know you're here for me

And I believe that I will be just fine tonight

Don't worry about me

--

Don't cry for us tonight

Don't cry it will be alright

If I could I'd be by your side

Don't cry for us

--

You know that I'd give anything to not be here

I can picture you just sitting there

Beside Buckbeak inside your cave

Or pacing nervously

I know I'm not alone because you care

And I believe that you are still my anything

And everything I need

--

Don't cry for us tonight

Don't cry it will be alright

If I could I'd be by your side

Don't cry for us

--

Built of steel we may seem young and anxious

But in times like these we've always won

Trusted - in ourselves

Oh in ourselves - in ourselves

--

Don't cry for us tonight

Don't cry it will be alright

If I could I'd be by your side

Don't cry for us

--

Don't cry for us tonight,"

"Don't cry for us," Cedric echoed.

"Don't cry we'll be alright," Harry continued.

"We'll be alright,"

"If I could I'd be by your side,"

"I'd be by your side,"

"Don't cry for us

--

It's hard to know just what to do in times like these

It's hard to know just what to say."

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A/N- Hope you liked it.


	3. Jim Jiminy by the Marauders

Disclaimer- See chapters one and two.

A/N- Silly one I am writing from memory. EEK's favorite as far as I know. Marauder era.

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Chim Chiminy -- Mary Poppins

Jim Jiminy by the Marauders

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One random day at a random time in a random month in a random year (after fifth), Sirius looked up from a random spot on a random page of a random book and randomly said, "James needs a nickname!"

"Jim Jiminy

Jim Jiminy

Jim Jim Jeree

A nickname's as lucky as lucky can be."

"Jim Jiminy," Remus continued.

"Jim Jiminy

Jim Jim Jeru

Good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you."

"Or repair a mirror," put in Peter.

"And that's lucky too!" he repaired a mirror. It broke, and the rest laughed at him before James stood up.

"Ho ho, my friends

I am very amused

Shut up right now or you're going to get bruised!

My name is James

Or Prongs if you will

Don't call me Jim

I won't pay the hospital bill."

"James is so mean," Sirius said.

"Prongs will have to do," concluded Remus.

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A/N- Goofy, no? I was on a massive sugar high when I wrote it the first time.


	4. Forever For You by Sirius

Disclaimer- If I owned Harry Potter, Sirius and Professor Dumbledore would still be alive. All traitors would be dead. Also, Hall and Oates owns the song "Forever For You," I only own the new lyrics, and the bit of story to go with them.

A/N- Reintroduced the world of HP fanfiction. Also reintroduced to some of the stuff I've written but not typed. I figured the parodies would be the quickest to post. This one is AU from the books, as will be explained, but I doubt anyone will mind. Enjoy!

I feel compelled to note: THIS IS NOT SLASH. Any love mentioned is paternal in nature, not romantic, and this is actually mentioned in my lyrics, but I wanted to clarify now. Thanks.

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"Forever For You" – Hall and Oates

by Sirius

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"We got him, Sirius."

Those words were spoken by his best friend, and one of the only other people who could understand their full import. Finally, the traitor had been caught, and Sirius would soon be free. Free not only to roam the wizarding world without fearing capture and Dementors, but free to finally retrieve his beloved godson from the Muggle guardians with whom he was stuck.

Harry had never said much about his life with the Dursleys, but what he had said was enough. Sirius knew first hand what it was like to grow up without love, and was determined Harry would not know it anymore. _'Do you know what unconditional love is, Harry?'_ he thought sadly._ 'Has anyone ever showed it to you?'_

"Does anyone know what love can cost?

It will take you so high then leave you lost

Is it a mystery 

That's evaded so long

Your lonely, loving heart?

Can anyone stop the hands of time?

That you had none to love you is a crime

But everything's changed now

My godson

Now that freedom's mine

---

When they ask me how long I'm going to love you

If my strong convictions will always stay true

I'll say forever

I'll say forever for you

When they ask will I stand right there beside you

And they don't look at you the way the way that I do

I'll say forever

I'll say forever for you

---

A rose is a rose by any name

But a thorn will still cut you just the same

Losing you parents hurt

I felt so lost

But now I'll have you

And you're worth all the cost

---

When they ask me how long I'm going to love you

If my strong convictions will always stay true

I'll say forever

I'll say forever for you

When they ask will I stand right there beside you

And they don't look at you the way the way that I do

I'll say forever

I'll say forever for you

---

Never think I compare you with James

I love you for Harry

And not for The Boy Who Lived

James was my brother

But I see you as my son

---

When they ask me how long I'm going to love you

If my strong convictions will always stay true

I'll say forever

I'll say forever for you

When they ask will I stand right there beside you

And they don't look at you the way the way that I do

I'll say forever

I'll say forever for you."

---

Sirius smiled. It was going to be a great summer.

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A/N- I hope everyone enjoyed. Quite as a side note, EEK found (a long time ago, to my shame) the folder of mine. I had rather forgotten how many of them I wrote. Next chapter: Harraoke. Comments and constructive criticism welcome.


	5. Harraoke: My Immortal

Disclaimer- JK owns Harry, Sirius, and the detestable fifth book. Evanscence owns the gorgeous song.

A/N- I'm not much for alternative, but this song is beautiful. Canon, takes place after Sirius's death. Enjoy!

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My Immortal – Evanescence

by Harry

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Summer at Privet Drive had never been more unwelcome. It did not matter that Remus and the Order had commanded the Dursleys in no uncertain terms to leave him alone. Nothing could ease the aching grief in Harry's heart.

'_Sirius is the only person who ever really cared about me.' _ Harry thought, then amended the thought to include Remus as well. _'But Sirius was my godfather.'_

"I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears 

Because you had to leave

I wish that you didn't leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

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These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears

When I'd scream you'd fight away all of my fears 

And you kept me sane these past two years

But you still have all of me

---

I've always loved your slightly insane mind

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face haunts my ever-present dreams

Reminding me that nothing's as it seems

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These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears

When I'd scream you'd fight away all of my fears 

And you kept me sane these past two years

But you still have all of me

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I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

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When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears

When I'd scream you'd fight away all of my fears 

And you kept me sane these past two years

But you still have all of me

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'_I miss you, Sirius.'_

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A/N- I adore that song. I hope everyone enjoyed my take on it. Next chapter: Voldemort sings… something from Disney. Comments and constructive criticism welcome.


	6. Voldemort by Voldie and the Death Eaters

Disclaimer- JK owns Voldie and the Death Eaters. Disney owns "The Great Mouse Detective," the character Ratigan, and the song "Ratigan." I own all the story in between the verses.

A/N- This one is a little silly… of course, the idea of Voldemort singing, let alone Disney, is rather silly. Slightly AU, duh. Enjoy!

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Ratigan – The Great Mouse Detective

Voldemort by Voldemort and the Death Eaters

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Lord Voldemort, megalomaniac and Muggle-hater extraordinaire, was not happy. Harry Potter, the bane of his existence, had foiled his evil scheme once again. However, he knew his new plan could not fail. He called his loyal Death Eaters (who were neither loyal nor in the habit of eating death), and addressed them.

"My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy! Tomorrow evening, our beloved Headmaster celebrates New Year's Eve with the students. And, with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Professor McGonagall, it promises to be a night he will never forget. His last night, and my first, as supreme ruler of all the world!"

He began to sing, dismaying the Death Eaters, who had to pretend to like it. As stated before, they were not loyal, but merely feared for their lives.

"From the brain that brought you the Muggle killing caper

The head that made headlines in every newspaper

And wondrous things like the Bones family job

That cunning display that made Hogwarts a sob

Now comes the real tour de force

Tricky and wicked, of course

My earlier crimes were fine for their times

But now that I'm at it again

An even grimmer plot has been simmering

In my great criminal brain."

At this, the Death Eaters forgot their throbbing eardrums and got excited at the prospect of a new evil scheme. Not only were they not overly loyal, they were not that smart either. In enthusiasm, they also began to sing.

"Even meaner?

You mean it?

Worse than all the dead families found

You're the best of the worst around

Oh Voldemort

Oh Voldemort

The rest fall behind

Oh Voldemort

Oh Voldemort

The world's greatest criminal mind!"

Voldemort smiled, liking the slavish devotion of his followers. In exchange for the musical tribute, he decided to share some of his innermost thoughts and feelings with them.

"Thank you, thank you. But it hasn't all been butterbeer and sugar quills, thanks to that miserable, second-rate wizard: Albus Dumbledore."

The Death Eaters were still deeply involved with this, and loudly booed the elderly headmaster of Hogwarts.

"For years that insufferable do-gooder has interfered with my plans, and I haven't had a moment's peace of plotting."

Overcome with sympathy, the Death Eaters emitted a group "Awwww…"

"But all that's in the past! This time nothing, not even Dumbledore, can stand in my way. All will bow before me!"

Taking their cue from this, the Death Eaters all bowed and began singing once more.

"Oh Voldemort

Oh Voldemort

You'll kill those with blood of mud

Oh Voldemort

Oh Voldemort…"

Wormtail, who was never even remotely smart and drunk (on Butterbeer, because he had no tolerance for alcohol in any amount) to boot piped up, "To Voldemort the world's greatest half-blood!"

Everyone gasped. Of course, Voldemort was a half-blood, but it was one of things everyone knew and no one mentioned, because they did not wish to die. Predictably, Voldemort did not take well to this mention of his heritage. He spat out his butterbeer, saying, "What was that?! What did you just call me?!"

"Oh—oh, he didn't mean it, My Lord," one Death Eater said. This was not from a sense of loyalty, he was merely afraid that Voldemort would take out his frustration with Wormtail on all of them. "It was just a slip of the tongue."

"I AM NOT A HALF-BLOOD!" This, of course, was a blatant lie, but no one was willing to call him on.

"Of course you're not. You're a pure-blood!"

"Yeah, that's right! A pure-blood!"

"A powerful pure-blood!"

These Death Eaters thought perhaps they could save themselves from Voldemort's displeasure by sucking up, and were dismayed by the egomaniacal would-be dictator's shout of "**SILENCE!**" he paused. "Oh, my dear Wormtail. I'm afraid you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me… Avada Kedavra!"

Out of spite, Voldemort transported his dead body to the ministry with a note explaining that he had actually committed all of Sirius Black's alleged crimes. "I trust there will be no further interruptions. And now, as you were singing?"

Seeing the wand he held threateningly, they began singing with even more enthusiasm.

"Even louder we'll shout it

No one can doubt what we know you can do

You're more evil than even you

Oh Voldemort

Oh Voldemort

You're one of a kind

To Voldemort

To Voldemort

The world's greatest criminal mind!"

---

The psychopath steepled his fingers, leaned back, and smiled. _'Potter will be mine.'_

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A/N- That was pretty silly, but quite fun. The last bit was Voldie engaging in the stereotypical bad guy behavior; I couldn't resist. Next chapter: Remus sings. Comments and constructive criticism.


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